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Funny Fixings

Maintenance squawks submitted by RAF pilots,
with replies from the fitters.

  problem:   left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
soluton:   almost replaced left inside main tyre.
 
problem:   test flight ok, except autoland very rough.
solution:   Autoland not fitted to this aircraft.
 
problem:   #2 propellor seeping prop fluid.
solution:   #2 propellor seepage normal, #'s 1, 3 & 4 propellors lack normal seepage.
 
problem:   Something loose in cockpit.
solution:   Something tightened in cockpit.
 
problem:   Evidence of leak on right landing gear.
solution:   Evidence removed.
 
problem:   DME volume unbelievably loud.
solution:   Volume set to more believable level.
 
problem:   Dead bugs on windshield.
solution:   Live bugs ordered.
 
problem:   Autopilot on altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent.
solution:   Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
problem:   IFF inoperative.
solution:   IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
problem:   Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
solution:   That's what they are there for.
 
problem:   Number 3 engine missing.
solution:   Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
problem:   Aircraft handles FUNNY.
solution:   Aircraft warned to straighten up, 'fly right' and be more serious.
 
problem:   Target Radar hums.
solution:   Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

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